this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Houston, we have a squirter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"