he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...