And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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