New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida