Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
