see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize