i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
