gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
