Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have feelings that need drinking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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