I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's Friday. Sex?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
