Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
