well you can't waste a boner
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
