I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
