her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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