Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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