I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
