I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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