he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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