and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
