I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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