I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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