i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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