he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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