sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
