I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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