Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
