i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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