I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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