At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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