Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
