im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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