His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
