If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We are two peas in an std pod
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
