i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
