y did u give ur computer a hand job?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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