Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I puked a lego.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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