fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
