If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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