so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
