How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
