atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
