how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize