I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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