I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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