I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
