you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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