Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
