Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize