I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The beer is more important than you right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
