I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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