The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
