swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
