hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
