Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
