I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
