I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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