I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
