Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A bitchslap is in order.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
