you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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