I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
