question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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