let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
