Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
