I need help removing her.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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