Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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