Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
